By now, we are all familiar with the story of the man who jumped in Lake Michigan every day for 365 days. But maybe less familiar with the story of the man, who, everyday, for 365 days tried to stop him. That man is me. This is my story:

Recently, I watched the movie “My Octopus Teacher” and hated it so much. I told my teacher. Just flat out said it, in the middle of class, didn’t even raise my hand or nothing, just shouted: “Yo, Teach!” like a goddamn Saturday morning cartoon, “My Octopus Teacher Effing SUCKS!” and my teacher said “No. Actually, it does not.”

1.What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat by Aubrey Gordon
Bill and I got some Kayaks this year. I love to be in the river. But I hate the half mile walk with these blue plastic heavy boats. So we hooked up a blue tooth in one of the Kayaks, put it in a waterproof bag and everything and I listened to the book on audio (Libro.fm) It sufficiently distracted me from thinking about the cramps in my shoulders and arms.

Scene 1. After the opening credits that make you say “Ugh, it’s in French(?!) I wanted to WATCH and not READ a movie…”the next thing we see is a funny little drawing utensil that sort of looks like a primordial pregnancy test scratching on a blank canvas. Pan out, to reveal a handful of French baby dykes in corsets diligently drawing their model, who is also their teacher, clearly, because of a) how hot she is and b) the generic instructions she barks at them (look and my arms! draw my arms!)

As the mademoiselles scratch away on their dried…

A series of instructions on how to wipe your ass the right way. (Photo credit: Myra Su)

The right way being a way that conserves as much toilet paper as possible in order to avoid running out so you don’t have to go to the grocery store as much (where you will just be disappointed because all of the toilet paper is gone, gone, gone.)

1. THE TRIANGLE: Before Covid19 we thought “squares” now we need to think triangles. Take a square. Take some scissors (There! Right there! On the kitchen sink, still there from when you gave yourself that insane…

Dear You,

You are invited to fill out this google form. Two human beings, Catharine and Ida, made it. We will read your response and we will use the information to write you or someone who you chose a real-life old school snail mail letter. We will send it to the address you put down.

This idea came from a conversation we had (Ida and Catharine) had while taking a walk six feet apart from each other:

Ida: All of the art being created over social media content during the Shelter in Place orders is really lovely. But sometimes it…

Hello, It’s been a rough week. No gyms, or mickey mouse. No theater shows and, uh oh, poor Forrest Gump. Your 1099 jobs are melting away like the zinc lozenges on your tongue and the pop songs you sang to wash your hands went from cute to sad and annoying. Remember how only last Sunday the biggest deal was DAYLIGHT FUCKING SAVINGS? Now all you can do is read the news and check your email where you are getting messages from Uber, Panera, the Container Store, and other listservs you didn’t even know you had subscribed to with subject lines…

a collection of thoughts about who should see the movie Eighth Grade.

Dads of 14 year old boys. At first I thought 14 year old boys themselves, because when I was 14 I wished more 14 year old boys understood my internal landscape (this movie is kinda like my experience in a lot of ways but also different, the biggest difference being the way technology is used.) I think if 14 year old boys now see this movie they would just focus on the cringe-worthy embarrassing parts. Or not get it. They are too close to it. Which is okay…