xoxo, Gossip Garden
Plot #25 has sunflowers that are the tallest and biggest sunflowers of any sunflower in Peterson Community Garden. There are four of them, with stalks about 10 feet tall and flowers with diameters about one foot wide.
According to Plot #21, with her identical wooden rectangle of dirt three beds south of Plot #25, it was these sunflowers that started all the drama.
It’s Plot #25’s first year at the Peterson Community Garden (PCG for short) and she doesn’t see it that way. Plot #25 didn’t do anything to make them that tall, it just happened. If you talk to Plot #25 she would say none of this drama would be drama, if #21 hadn’t complained about the sunflowers to Lisa, the garden leader.
Lisa, the garden leader communicated the complaint to Plot #25 last Tuesday.
Dear Plot #25, Lisa emailed, Plot #21 is concerned that your Sunflowers are blocking her sun and impacting the growth of her plants. Just wanted to let you know! Thanks, Lisa (PCG leader. she/her/hers 687–78911)
Plot #21 is south facing. Plot#25 is no geography expert, but she’s pretty sure that based on their positioning, this means the likelihood of any sun being blocked by her sunflowers is slim. #25 is not one hundred percent about that though, so she consults Plot #23, who goes out of town a lot.
According to Plot #23, #21’s thriving with bountiful tomatoes and perky peppers a’plenty. “Clearly, she doesn’t even know how sun works,” 23 said to 25 about 21. And then, rather unnecessarily, added: “21 is just a whiny little bitch who is just starting some random shit for the sake of starting some random shit.”
This makes #25 feel better. She is happy #23 sees things her way.
But in the community garden, things aren’t always what they seem. Plot #22, who went a little crazy with the amount of cucumbers he planted his year, has it on good authority that while publicly Plot #23 takes #25’s side, this is just because #23 is going to visit her family in Texas soon and wants to get on #25’s good side so #25 will water #23’s garden when she’s gone.
“Last year #23 wasn’t friends with anyone in the garden,” 22 said to Plot #24 as both of them were weeding one morning, “And when she came back? her red swiss chard was wilted hell.”
A few afternoons later, as the wind swept maple leaves across all of the plots in PCG, Plot #29, who is known for planting marigolds to keep out rabbits, shouted across the garden to Plot #22 that Plot #23 finally and secretly confided in him who she believes is the real starter of the drama: Lisa. Lisa, the garden leader. Plot #27, whose bean trellises are made of PVC pipe, overheard #29 and #22 talking about this (because how could she not! they were literally shouting! so loud!) and then for weeks, #27 would tell any plot in the garden who would listen her stance on the matter: #27 agrees with #23. According to #23 (and #27): Lisa didn’t really have to name name’s or rather number’ numbers in that email. By reporting to 25 that it was specifically 21 who complained about the sunflowers, well, actually that is the definition of starting random shit just to start random shit. If you let Plot #27 say more about why she agrees with #23, well, first of all, you shouldn’t because it’s very boring, but if you do they will go on to tell you a pretty confusing analogy about how their plot has bugs that eat green beans and these bugs attract other bugs to eat those same green beans, and, like I said, it’s not very obvious what #27 is trying to say but if you pay real hard attention its something like: you absolutely can blame the messenger.
Nobody knows that, ironically, at the same time that #23 is blaming Lisa, Lisa is blaming #23. Last night, before bed, and after checking her garden gmail inbox for the hundredth time and seeing it still at zero(Sadly, Lisa gets less emails than she was hoping for when she volunteered for the garden leader position), Lisa told her husband John that she blames #23 because it was #23 who gifted the sunflower seeds to #25 at the community garden seed swap in May. It was a “welcome-to-the-garden” gesture that seemed benign at the time but now, Lisa is sure #23 had malicious motives all along.
“#23 probably bought those sunflower seeds from Texas where everything is bigger and when she gave them to #25 she was doing some sort of hazing thing, knowing the scene she’d be causing,” Lisa tells her half asleep husband.
John, Lisa’s husband, thinks this is ridiculous. Because clearly, clearly- the fault lies in there being a community garden at all. That getting to know your neighbors is just a recipe for this kind of stuff and why can’t anyone ever see that coming. John thinks nobody should have friends because then nobody will have enemies, at least, that is what has worked for him the past fifty two years.
So now? Every plot has a different theory of what’s gonna happen next. Plot #14, with their spicy ghost peppers, thinks #25 is going to confront #21 next time she sees her watering and, “Slap that can right out of her hand, tell 21 to chill the fuck out.” Plot #11, who has lettuce (and just lettuce), thinks #25 is going to, “go all medieval on 21’s ass” chopping down the sunflowers then laying all four stalks across 21’s plot, like the victor of a battle might do with severed enemy heads. Plot #12 who lives in an apartment across from PCG swore that she saw a figure in the middle of the night hovering by Plot #25’s with garden clippers, and Plot #19, Plot #12’s neighbor saw this too, but could have sworn it was Lisa.
My favorite theory, though, was told to me by the plot who has no number (there is what appears to be a faint “A” on it, making me think that maybe a long time ago at PCG the plots in the garden used to be lettered rather than numbered, but then again it could just be dirt) The un-numbered plot thinks it’s only a matter of time before the sunflowers go to seed on their own, bringing the drama along with them: rumors and hearsay burying between the chaotic wild mint growing between the rows. And then all of the plots in the garden will be slightly disappointed to no longer have anything to buzz around the garden about. Eagerly, they will look forward to seeing what the next planting season brings. Waiting-and rubbing their palms together like flies on the crop.
